That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
