i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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