if i died would you start the facebook group?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
