Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
