Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
