Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
