oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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