I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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