textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
