All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Panties = found
Randomize
