It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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