the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
