white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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