Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
