I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
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so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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