Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
