no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
