Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
