So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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