she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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