His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
