I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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