You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
