I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't deserve a penis
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
