1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
