I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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