Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
