there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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