It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
