I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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