Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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