No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
