She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found puke in my bra..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
