Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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