she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
