when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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