I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
