I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
