Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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