And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
