So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
