About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize