if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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