She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
