Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
