if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
