my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
