This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
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Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We don't watch enough power rangers
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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