i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
