Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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