I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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