This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
