a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
