So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
