is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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