why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
