i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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