did you get engaged???
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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