Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
