I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
