She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wear drunk well.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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