I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
pray to the hookup gods
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
