ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
