i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.