id be glad to
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
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Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"