how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home