Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today